If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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