How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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