I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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