CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
