I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
