You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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