i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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