I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
