I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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