If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
as a side note pls kill me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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