so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
