The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
and you fell through a lawn chair
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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