capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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