he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
