U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
