im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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