I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
