whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
