OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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