when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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