Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
