i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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