remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My pussy is not your playground.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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