when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
