I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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