New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
