then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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