I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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