You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
