mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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