her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
