she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
