chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
