giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
