Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
