im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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