you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I FOUND THE LEGS
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
