you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
