We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Then you guys just all showered together...?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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