Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
