I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
