Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
