did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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