Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
