I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
