I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
