oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
