Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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