so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
