do herpes really smell.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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