I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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