Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
