I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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