Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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