I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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