Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
